Self Indulgent Games
by JoysOfL
Summary: Light is frustrated by his fixation with L, and how easily he is seducted by him. While, smirking on the inside, L enjoys his self indulgent mind games, untill the chief walks in. My first fan- ever!
1. Chapter 1

*I don't own Deathnote or any of its characters... even though i would very much like to. This contains a little bit of yaoi, just warning you! 

**Hey this is my first fan-fict, please tell me what you think, good or bad.**

**It took me awhile, but i really enjoyed writing it!**

**I hope you enjoy it, and please review!!**

**Your thoughts make writing even more enjoyable, and thankyou to all the people who have already done so.**

**xoox**

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**Self Indulgent Games**

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Chapter One: Resistance is Futile 

As per usual, L and Light were to be found sitting around the numerous computers in the ever dim room of the billion dollar sky scraper, amazingly erected one day by the ever surprising L. Light always wondered about the speed of which it was erected, and just how L managed to do these sporadic and extravagant things. It gave him a strong aura of authority, making even the chief, three times his age, look up to him.

This immediate authority was the most endearing aspect of the young man Light felt so strongly for. Never mind Misa or Kiomi ( both of which would gladly jump off a cliff or erase their own memories just to satisfy him). Every girl who had some sort of love interest in Light became obsessive, and there was just no fun in that kind of relationship.

But L… he is different, he just keeps on doing what he does, and if Light didn't like it, then that was his own fault. It frustrated and aggravated Light beyond belief, especially seeing as though L was the only person in the whole world who Light felt any remote connection with (and this connection was far from remote). Light seemed to feel that he had the same sort of aura as L. Maybe it was the intelligence, or perhaps the intricate manipulations they were able to place on even the brightest of people, (take the chief for example, who still, Light was proud to say, believed his son's innocence), but whatever it was, it had no effect on L, who, up until this day had spent his whole life without a friend.

The two were so alike it was almost like they were brothers (which would put an interesting twist in the tale, Light thought to himself). He had never felt this close to a person before, and looking over at him now, squatting serenely on his chair with his finger and thumb softly putting pressure on his lower lip, he felt the same strong urge to reach over and sweep a lock of that midnight hair off the handsome intellects face, and to taste the permanently sweet lips, laced with the constant consumption of sugar that he always seemed to find himself feeling.

L glanced over at Light.

"Why is it", he asked, "that whenever I look over at you, you always seem to be looking back at me?"

Light blushed and looked down to his lap. He hated being caught out like that. It made him feel the inferior, like he was chasing L, like it wasn't an even playing field and L was secretly smirking inside with the controlled knowledge of Lights desire.

L tugged playing on the handcuffs, mercilessly binding the two together. Light grabbed a hold of the chain, causing tension in the binding, and disabling L's playful movement. Using this tension, L pulled himself over on the wheeled chair next to Light, and placed three of his long, almost skeletal fingers under Lights chin, gently forcing his face upwards.

Light felt a sudden rush of blood flood into his cheeks at the touch of those cool white fingers. Images flashed into his head of those fingers, those hands. Threading their way through his hair, down his back, down his…

"Light?"

L was looking at him curiously, cocking his head to one side.

"He looks so adorable" Light thought to himself, looking at L's inquisitive face.

He hated this. The way L made him so uncontrolled. He muddled his train of thought, made him vulnerable.

"Stop!' Light said suddenly, standing up and taking two steps away from the only place he wanted to be. The only person he wanted to be with. He had to stop this now, before it got too far, before he became weak and let his emotions come before his ultimate goal. He knew what would have to happen in the end, what the ultimate sacrifice would be to become god. He would have to give up the only emotional tie he had with the world, that he had within himself. It would practically take away his humanity, but it was the only way to save to world from rotting. So why make these emotions stronger, ultimately increasing the chances of failure on his part. That just couldn't happen.

He proceeded to take a further step away, but a hand grasped the top of his arm. More blood rushes, and this time with an extra tingle of goose-bumps that travelled right down his spine, making him shiver.

"I want you, and I know you want me to. I can see it in your eyes. It pains you. But you can't help it. I'm here, and we have as much time as we like. Everyone has gone home to their families; Misa is staying with that friend of hers in the Kansi region. It's just you and me."

This series of whispered statements came slowly, almost like a dream whispered into Lights ear. L was so close, he could smell the subtle mixture of sugar, coffee and cologne, almost taste it. He could taste it, if he chose to. But that was out of the question, he could not allow the seductive tones coming from those sweet round lips entering his ear to reach his heart, he could not let images of those hands coax him into playing a part in L's self-indulgent games, he couldn't let himself break and couldn't let L win.

Light turned around despite the screaming warnings going off inside his head. One look into those dark round eyes and he knew it was all over. L leaned ever so slightly closer, his scent so strong now it was making Light dizzy with anticipation and lust.

Everything he ever wanted was 3 inches away from his face. Everything that is, except for total world domination. But at that particular point in time, that was a trifle matter, with such minimal importance that Light would gladly give it all up for just one night of utter rapture with the man directly opposite him now. He was changing. L was distorting his way of thinking and his priorities were in tatters. It was the scent, the sight, the feel of the man, a strong mixture of potent narcotics and alcohol seemingly designed just for Light, causing delirium and complete lack of self control.

L smiled a small smile, twitching the corner of his mouth ever so slightly.

"There it is", Light thought, "the smile that shows that he knows he has won, he knows that he has control. Oh what am I doing?"

But none of that mattered now. Light wanted L, and L wanted Light, and that was all that mattered tonight.


	2. Chapter 2

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**The second chapter to my first fan fic. I hope you like it!**

**Its a little lemon... but it doesnt go too far.**

**So sorry if u like that sort of thing, and dont worry if you dont.**

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Chapter Two: Crashing of Cymbals

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Silence followed the small speech made by L, and both men could feel a radiating static between them, making their nerves tingle and the hairs on the back of their necks stand on end. It was the calm before the storm, the prelude.

"Shall we?" L said, hand outstretched, palm facing the ceiling, gesturing Lights hand to place itself on his.

Light complied, and the two walked, hand in hand, to the small door located inconspicuously behind all the computers frequently used by the two. Behind the door was a small room, just big enough for one comfortably, (or two squeezed, Light and L had soon discovered). It had a single bed in the corner, next to a small square window that looked out over the entire city. Beside the bed was a small bed-side table, topped with a quaint little reading lamp that gave off a dim glow when turned on.

On the opposite wall was a wardrobe, filled to the brim with green pants and white shirts, all the same size and all the same style. Except for one outfit, Light was surprised to discover one day while rummaging around in L's wardrobe, a classic looking suit and tie, with shiny leather shoes to match. When inquiring about these items to L, he simply replied;

"One day I may need to go to a funeral"

Light found this extremely morbid, but surprisingly fitting in the circumstance that was L's social life and everyday attire.

As well as a decent stack of books in one corner, the contents of the room were the only personal items belonging to L that had ever left Whammy's house, and Light felt a little privileged at the fact he was allowed to see them.

As the two walked into the room, their guarded self control broke and L yanked at Lights hand, spinning him around and slamming him up against one of the bare walls. Lights thoughts blurred into one incoherent mass at the speed of this movement, and the rush of air made his heart rate quicken with shock, making him dizzy.

L then pressed himself up against Light, and kissed him hard, deep and fast. He then pulled a small little key out of his back pocket, whilst keeping Light immobilised against the solid bricked wall (Light didn't mind). It was the key to the sturdy, yet in situations, like the one they were currently in, potentially problematic, handcuffs which were constantly binding the two together. After a well practised movement, L had released Lights hands from the chains, and thrown them into a corner, disregarded entirely.

Now freed, Lights hands wound themselves through L's hair, twisting it in a manner of which Near would be proud. His hands then continued down L's back to the tale of his shirt, and started to work their way back up again, this time underneath the thin white fabric. His fingers travelled the length of the man's spine, feeling all his muscles contracting with the pressure being exerted holding Light tight. Light made to lift the shirt off completely, when L stepped away from him, with a playful gleam in his eyes. Another of his games was about to begin.

"You know hows this works Light, you go first, and I watch you."

"NO! This time I want it my way" Light exclaimed, with his ever burning desire for control.

"My way or… I go back to my cake" L said, with a simple tone of indifference, shrugging his shoulders as if he were merely choosing which t-shirt to wear the next day. No real care at all.

"_He can't seriously mean it_, Light thought to himself, _he wants me, I know he wants me, but why act so unconcerned, like I mean nothing to him. I have to mean something! I am Light Yagami, god of the new world, and here he is, acting as though I am about as important as the piece of cake sitting on his desk._

The internal struggle was showing on Lights face, his eyebrow was twitching, lips drawn to a thin line, and his eyes… if looks could kill. Still, L just stood there, shuffling his feet, knowing the eventual outcome if he played his cards right. It was just a simple matter of doing the right things at the right time.

L took a step closer to Light, eyes at the floor until he was standing completely still, 30cm away from him, then, as quick as lightning, snapped his head up and looked powerfully straight into Lights widened eyes. This move was magic. Light fell into those big round eyes, spiralling into the blackness that seemed to know all his secrets, all his desires. He relaxed there, and did as he was told.

He took off his tan jacket first, and discarded it next to the handcuffs, followed by his tie. L moved forward and started undoing the buttons on his overly starched shirt. Once several of the buttons, starting from the top, were undone, L smoothed his hands flat onto the muscular chest of Light Yagami. Light groaned with lust, and with the constant agitation of his helplessness in the situation.

He felt strongly for L. He wouldn't call it love, for that would sound too final, too romantic. They were not in love, but they were lovers. He loved the feel of L's hands on his chest, the feel of his eyes, delving deep into his own. But he couldn't allow himself to love L. And L did not love Light. That much was obvious without even talking about it (which would be a hell of an awkward conversation). If L loved Light, he would desire him outwardly. He would lust after him, think about him when lying in bed at night, he would give him secret smiles during the day, no matter what the others thought. And although some deep part of Light's heart desperately desired all this, he would never admit it to himself. Light Yagami is a good liar. He is best at lying to himself, and admitting that he "loved" L, would ruin everything.

They kissed again, Light holding L's lower back tightly, pressing the two together even harder.

"Light? Ryuzaki? Are either of you here? I need to talk to Light" the chiefs voice rang through the air, through the moment, like a cymbal crashing through the dulcet sounds of classical music.

Panic shot through both L and Light. What if they were discovered in the throws of love?

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One more chapter to go!

Don't forget to review and tell me what you think :)


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3- Rather Not Know**

They looked at each other, their own feelings of fear and panic mirrored almost perfectly in the others face. What if they were caught?

A single thought ran simultaneously through both of them. "It might stop me from winning"

"Quick, get dressed!" L exclaimed, moving towards the handcuffs lying innocently in the corner, in order to re-attach himself to Light.

Light scrambled for his jacket and tie, throwing them both haphazardly on, his jacket ending up inside out, and doing up his tie in such a rush he nearly choked himself.

_Argh, and here we go again, yet another situation which is out of my control. I can't let L keep doing this to me, luring me to him, making me do these… things, and then making it seem like it was me who wanted it all along. I'm meant to be the manipulator here, not him. He's the detective, who figures out and solves the problems, not creates them. Now thanks to him, my dad has a good chance of finding out about us, which would ultimately make him forbid me from helping the task force, I'm sure of it. Then I will no longer have an inside view into the progressions of the task force, and that could become a great complication for me._

Light was getting frustrated.

On seeing Light's frustrated expression, mixed with his clumsy dressing skills, L let out a little giggle. The noise was so obscure and so dry that Light couldn't help laughing a little himself, regardless of how much he hated himself for it. L was normally such a serious man, and making him smile was a job in itself. But seeing a man with such a demeanour as L's giggle! Light's laughter always made L smile, and so it went, just like knocking over a row of dominos, snowballing emotions, and soon the pair of them were rolling on the floor uncontrollably laughing.

"Light is that you laughing?"

The chief's voice came louder this time, questioning their invisibility, and they could hear footsteps crossing the room beyond the small door.

This killed the laughter immediately, and they went back to their frantic efforts to look normal. Once Light was properly dressed and composed (both mentally and physically), and L had finally been able to lock the handcuffs after a moment of fumbling, they exited the room, and had closed the door just as the Chief walked around the side of the computers to where they were concealed.

"Light? L? Why are you both behind the computers?" He asked, with a suspicious gleam in his eye.

"We were… um… fixing the cables!" L stated in a rather triumphant tone, as if he had successfully solved a particularly tricky case.

The Chief looked at L's guilty face, and then to Light's. Something wasn't quite right here. He got the feeling that the pair of them were lying to him, but he had no reason to believe why they would, or what they could possibly have to lie about. If not fixing the computer cables, what else would they be doing behind the computers all on their own?

Then something caught his eye. A slither of his son's flesh was clearly visible through a gap in his button up shirt. But upon closer inspection the Chief realised that Light had missed a button when doing them up, making the shirt uneven and crinkled. Things were certainly starting to get a bit suspicious now. Buttoning up his shirt incorrectly was a mistake he used to make as a six year old, but not anymore. His son was always immaculately dressed, with even his tie always symmetrically down the middle of his chest, not an inch off centre, so the mistake of missing the button would be fixed extremely quickly by his anal retentive son, and L wasn't the type to let something like that go unnoticed.

Following his father's gaze Light saw his mistake, and hurriedly redid his shirt, feeling a slight blush tarnish his cheeks.

"Oops." he said, with a rather sheepish grin, "I guess all these late nights are finally getting to me."

He let out a little chuckle, which sounded so forced L glared at him furiously and Light stopped instantaneously, and looked at the floor.

_What was that? Great Light, you're doing a really good job of being innocent and inconspicuous,_ He scolded himself.

"Right, well, I have some files for you Ryuzaki; they are upcoming reports being made on the Kira case tonight. They were sent here by SakuraTV, with a note explaining their apologies for the second Kira incident resulting in the death of one of our staff, and hoping this would make up for the mistake." Chief Yagami stated. "Although, why they would think it would make up for the loss of life is beyond me"

"OK, well hand them right on over and Light and I will go over them immediately, won't we Light?" L said.

"Sure, now that the cables are all fixed we should have no problem."

L and Light looked at each other uncertainly, then at the chief, L holding his hand out for the usb containing a copy of the files.

The chief handed them over, and willingly, announced his exit.

He wanted to get out of that room, away from his son and his boss. There was something going on there. Nothing sexual, he knew that, Light most definitely wasn't the type. But he didn't want to think about it anyway. He knew that the more he thought about the incident the more theories he would come up with, and the more evidence he would find to support them. And, if truth be told, he would rather not know what was going on behind those computers, no matter how much it could or would affect the case.

The three of them walked out from behind the computers, then, watching the receding back of his father, Light turned around and sat back on his swivel chair, and remembered not too long ago, how L had coaxed him out of that very same spot.

L sat down next to him, picked up the small fork that was resting on the edge of a delicate looking white plate, holding, of course, a very large piece of cake. As L popped a bite into his mouth, he looked over at Light.

"Why is it", he asked, "that whenever I look over at you, you always seem to be looking back at me?"

Light looked down, caught again. But this time he had a small smile on his face. Although that whole situation had been extremely frustrating, and he hoped beyond hope that his father wouldn't walk back in on anything like that ever again, giving him more reasons to be suspicious of the two, Light couldn't help but feel that he had enjoyed himself regardless. And reflecting on the last half an hour, he had to admit, it was a little funny.

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**Okay, well that was the end of my first fan-fic**

***wipes forehead***

**I hope that you enjoyed it, and thanks for reading it all the way too the end!**

**Please review so i know what you think :)**


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